A JOURNEY TO SAY THE LEAST
Every single tool, every single affirmation, every single prompt, Jessie has used & continues to use from this Journal. This Journal is not copy & paste, it is from real & raw experiences. These tools have been given to her, used by her & now she wants to give them to every Mom in the world. These tools have literally brought her up from drowning & she is so very grateful to share them with you.
"You can heal Mama, I promise"
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MY STORY
After having my Son in 2019 & experiencing PTSD from his birth, I began having symptoms of PPA & later PPD.
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I'm sitting on the bed with my newborn in my arms & crying uncontrollably. I felt like a stranger inside my own body, I was so sad & didn't understand why. The anxiety was debilitating. How could I feel so sad & anxious? This is such a special time, "you ACHED for this baby, you're not allowed to feel sad now that he's here" I would tell myself.
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Heavy feelings of guilt, not being enough, carrying the mental load & spreading myself thin to make sure everyone felt loved all while "putting myself on the back burner but not even on the back burner or in the vicinity of the stove" - I would joke. But in reality, not showing myself any love at all.​
I asked my Husband to call the Emergency Counselling Line when I realized something was really off. My very first therapist was assigned to me through the emergency number he called. I started with "I'm finding it so hard with two kids now, carrying the mental load, it just feels too heavy"
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I do not joke- her response " Ya, you have two kids now what did you expect? You're going to have to get used it"
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She was a professional - I took what she said seriously & went home to "suck it up", trying to accept this is the way I will feel for who knows how long?
~ Continued
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I told myself this is my life now. A professional told me, so that's that.
Fast Forward a bit & we finally have time to see Sarah, who was actually our couples therapist. When I started speaking more openly about how hard it's been at home with a newborn & not feeling myself, she immediately validated me. "Motherhood is HARD" she said with kind eyes & a soft voice. Wait a sec... what? "You're not going to tell me to suck it up because this is my life now?" She looked at me like she had seen a ghost. She couldn't believe my first Therapist had spoken to me like that.
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This is why it's important to shop around for a Therapist that fits you. Be open & honest, You will know when it feels right. Please don't let the first, or second who didn't give you what you need; make you feel as though they will all speak to you that way. You will find one who is soft, compassionate & who deeply cares about your well-being.
Needless to say, I have been seeing Sarah solo now for 5 years & I have spent many sessions just sitting on her couch crying. Wondering if I will ever feel myself again. At the end of every monthly session, (sometimes weekly) she would give me a tool to diminish my anxiety. Tools to help ease Guilt, Repair work, Validation, Letting go, whatever corresponded with what I needed in that season of Motherhood.
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I am so very grateful for having health benefits through my husbands work. However I think about Mothers who stay at home, don't have health benefits & are on a serious budget. There is no room for therapy, no space for professional help & I believe they need it just as well.
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I created this journal for the Mom's who want to learn how to love themselves again, incorporate tools into their life they can consistently come back to & work on feeling better. Gaining more patience & becoming the Mother they WANT to be. Whatever that looks like; more fun, happier, feeling less weight of the guilt. Forgiving yourself, affirming, letting go of the past. All of it.
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I am so proud of this journal, It is FILLED with tools I have gained over 4 years of Therapy. I have & still continue to use these tools on a daily basis. I poured my heart & soul into this Journal in hopes of one thing, helping Mothers around the world feel better. Feel like themselves again.
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I am feeling close to myself again, eased Mom guilt, gained more patience with my kids & still continue to work on my self love. I promise you will feel better Mama, with these tools to help you gain the strength you need for this crazy journey we call Motherhood.
